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I dunno anymore...

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I dunno anymore...

Post by Jeamesero on Mon Jul 07, 2014 7:21 am

As the title says, I just dunno anymore... Mainly this is going to be a terrible rant. If you don't wanna read you don't have to, I just need things off my chest.
I just finished High school and am going to turn my life upside down, let's say that.
Anyway, now I have to go to college and this is actually where the trouble begins. Now beware of a bit of cursing, I think...

College doesn't accept me, not because I'm not suitable, nooo, I'm suitable enough because I work as volunteer at many local shops and animal shelters. They don't accept me because they're already "full" and because it's crisis! They're not full, because I heard they were still taking in students! It's the damn crisis everyone is afraid of in my country! Then at least be fair with me!

So now my parents want me to find a job but again, it's "crisis": people are afraid of losing their homes or their jobs, and a lot of people are kicked out of their houses and fired because everyone needs to "economize". Students can't find college or cannot find a good apprenticeship because of this and cannot even find a job because people think they have too less experience. How can we get more experience if our college doesn't accept us or we can't find a job to get better!? Economizing, oh please my ass! Everyone is losing their jobs because of it!

Now off to the next step; now that I can't go to college my parents want me to find a job, but it's as I said above... I've already applied for THIRTY jobs, and none of them is accepting me because they're economizing!!!
And when they say I can't be accepted my parents get mad at me because I'm probably "not doing my best" and I need to try AGAIN!
And now that I can't get a job my parents give me way too much chores to do, and I have to do it all ALONE; feeding, brushing and walking the dog everyday, cleaning the house almost everyday, working in the garden, doing the groceries on my own, amd in the meantime I have to find another job AND pay my own bills (sports events, old bills from high school, etc.) but I don't even have a job to be able to pay those fucking bills! And I have to do it all on my own!!!
My parents expect too much of me and when I say I'm too busy they're like: "You, really? Haha funny joke." or: "When we were young life was harder than yours."
Well you didn't have crisis!!!

Walking the dog and working in the garden was once so much fun, but now I see it as a punishment because I barely have any free time left to be online and active on these roleplays. I don't sleep anymore and have the feeling sometimes someone's watching me, that people are making fun of me behind my back and it causes trouble with my friends I feel I cannot trust anymore.
Amd when I tell my parents I need help, they're just like: "You're overreacting." or: "You're very much disappointing us. Why won't you do something for us at least once?"
Well, I do things for you two every day of my life!
I'm getting so tired of this all. I feel exhausted and somewhat dead, even. My parents expect way too much of me and all these packs I'm in expect in the same time for me to be active. How can I do both a once? Life is tiring me really, I cannot hold up this mask anymore of being happy and cheerful because I'm just not. My parents control my life, sort of. In the beginning I didn't care, but now I feel the much weight on my shoulders and it's pajning me, I cannot hold this out any longer.

I still have to do so many things today but I already can't get up from the couch anddo it all because I have no energy and because my legs just hurt.
I just dunno anymore what to do right now...

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Re: I dunno anymore...

Post by Guest on Mon Jul 07, 2014 9:31 am

*hugs Jea*

Oh Jea...Im not really sure what to say. This is a hard time in your life right now, but I promise once you get through this, you will be a better person than you were. You will have more experience and know better of how to deal with things.
Yes, the pack does expect you to be active on here, but I don't want to stress you out in real life. If you need a break, take one. If it means anything to you, we're all proud of you. You seem like such an interesting person, not to mention a fantastic roleplayer, and you're so creative and strong.
You'll get through this, I know it. We're all here for you bb <3

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Re: I dunno anymore...

Post by Dawn on Mon Jul 07, 2014 9:37 am

<3<3bb I first off believe that colleges are dumb because they don't accept you :( SECOND I think jobs are dumb and you should be given money for fun ebacuse you're perf :* third, please don't leave us :( Get an EFA or just be a little less active to get the stuff you need sorted out <3<3<3 I love you bb

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Re: I dunno anymore...

Post by Maverick on Mon Jul 07, 2014 11:50 am

Sorry to hear this bb<33 Sounds pretty tough, and if you need an efa, then take one<3 You'll get through this, I promise ^^"

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Re: I dunno anymore...

Post by Jeamesero on Mon Jul 07, 2014 12:09 pm

Thanks all. <333

But I don't really want to take an EfA; I just came back from one and if I don't get this all fixed soon, I will need to probably take an EfA for the whole year, and I don't want that to happen. I love this pack a lot and I don't want to be known as ''that beta who's always on EfA''...

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Re: I dunno anymore...

Post by Verine on Mon Jul 07, 2014 12:39 pm

Babe.
So I've read through your rant, and I don't exactly know what to say.

As many have already said before, congratulations on graduating High School. Im so proud of you, so very proud. You're a hardworking, beautiful person that doesn't deserve all this animosity that's been cast onto you.
As for the colleges. They have no reason, and there is no excuse for them to decline your application. From how I've gotten to know you, and the little information that I have received about you, you are clearly qualified for any such place of learning and anyone should be thankful to have such a wonderful person like you attending their campus. I know I would be.
This is much too stressful for one person. Your parents are strict, yes. Perhaps a little too harsh on you, but Im sure they do it out of love. Perhaps they had a difficult time making their place in the world, and they don't want the same thing to happen with you. They want their beautiful child to have a secure job, but they don't seem to understand the reasons that you're not being hired.
The chores seem to be adding another large amount of negative energy that you really don't need, and Im not sure how to help you solve that.
However, I do know that you'll get through it, however you need to. Please, just don't let all of this get you too down. You deserve happiness, and letting this all affect you so much is going to hurt yourself in the long run.
However, like everyone said. Take whatever time you need. Nobody is going to refer to you like that, not here. If they do, I'll kick their arse. Just for you bb<3
But, If this is an outlet for all of the anger and upsetting feeling youre having, then I'd recommend spending some time on here just as you do now. But if its just making things worse with the burden of it all, then take some time off. Fix reality as much as you can and make it comfortable for you.
We all love you. I love you. Your parents love you.
Stay strong darling<3
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Re: I dunno anymore...

Post by Runa on Mon Jul 07, 2014 9:04 pm

I don't trust myself to make a big speech because it will make no sense but let me say this: Bloody Hell, the world is messed up.

Hope you find your place among it soon, or at least a place that you will be happy in. <33


Last edited by Runa on Mon Jul 07, 2014 10:16 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: I dunno anymore...

Post by Cassiel on Mon Jul 07, 2014 10:15 pm

I'm awful with consoling people, but I just want to let you know that you definitely have a right to be mad at them. It's totally cool, and I'm sorry that it's so hard to get a job over there. I'm sure you'll get through it, though. You're talented, and from what I can tell you're a pretty driven person, and I just. I don't know what to say, other than I hope you get through this.
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Re: I dunno anymore...

Post by Jeamesero on Tue Jul 08, 2014 4:53 am

Thanks all <3

Sorry for this rant, I was just pretty much through with it all..

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Re: I dunno anymore...

Post by Jeamesero on Thu Jul 10, 2014 3:01 am

I think I fucked up with my new job application I did a few days,ago... I'm so afraid it will happen again like 30+ applications ago... ;_;
Fuck, I forgot to sent my CV with the application, I'm so stupid! Omg...

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