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Death.

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Death.

Post by Wjinry on Fri Jan 02, 2015 9:07 am

My best friend died a couple days ago. That's the first time I've said it.

It's my fault. I don't want to explain but those fucking street rats stabbed him and it's my fault because I brought him there. I can't feel. I can just hang myself or jump off of a building and I wouldn't even feel it. It's not like anybody cares, though. I'm just here. Like trash that nobody's gonna pick up because they don't want to touch it.
The cops didn't even bother finding his murderers.

I feel cold and tired and I hate myself and I just want to go. I'm no help here, not like Verine or Cass or Abbadon, or Roki or Jeames or Mave or any fucking person in this fucking universe. This probably is going to be the last post you ever see from me.

So why am I on here? Why can't I just pop it right now? I don't know. I see you guys cheering people up like some kind of therapy group, so I thought I'd try. But you guys probably can't, or won't even bother to help me. I'm just pathetic.

And right when I thought my attempts were over, and that I was getting my life back on track. And don't anyone dare try and talk me out of it. I don't deserve to live. I blame myself and I hate myself either way, so just let me go.

So I guess this is my EFA, forever.

Goodbye.

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Re: Death.

Post by Roki on Fri Jan 02, 2015 9:32 am

Baby I want you to listen to me very quickly and carefully. None of it is your fault okay? You could never have had any control over what other people would do. NEVER THROW YOUR LIFE AWAY. Yes u might be new to the site but the love for u here is very strong. As soon as you joined you got it so not its gonna be here forever. I have only talked with u a few times but I love u as a very good friend already. ♥♥
And you are not trash. You are a human being and you are amazing and special and epic and a bunch of words I can't even think of. Please never say you are trash or pathetic or nothing harsh about yourself.
I don't know if you believe all I am saying right now or not but its all true.  EVERY. LAST. WORD.
I have skype, kik, e-mail,  cellphone number,  and money. You speak and tell me when u need to talk. On which way you need to talk. And where you need to talk cuz if need be I will walk or fly down to you and stand at your side protecting and hugging you.
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Re: Death.

Post by Jeamesero on Fri Jan 02, 2015 10:38 am

Bb.
I love you.
And you are not trash.
I feel horrible for you, I wish I could do or say anything to make you feel better. But all I can say is that I hate to see you or anyone else like this. I feel for others, I suck in their emotions, I feel what they feel.
It wasn't your fault, you couldn't have known this would happen. You're not a bad person, you're a wonderful person. We all say it, we all know it.
So don't say no one cares, because we do, I do; I feel every single pain people feel. I know how you feel and it feels horrible.
You my love shouldn't lie; you are NOT trash (and I'm not a good friend btw).
I really wish I could make you feel better, I really do.
Because I love you, we all love you. <33

I have Skype, Kik and email just like Roki. So whenever you need someone to rant to, just do it. I will be there for you.


Last edited by Jeamesero on Fri Jan 02, 2015 3:53 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Death.

Post by Verine on Fri Jan 02, 2015 1:02 pm

Rest In Paradise, dear friend. I hope that whomever it is that you were so close to is in a better place.

Darling, the first thing you need to understand, and to realize, and to accept is that you are not trash. You are not trash and you never have been and you should never think so, from this point forward.
You say you cant feel; however, you're venting to us about how this death has affected you, and how you think you're trash. How you're cold and out of place.
My love, you belong in this world. Not forever, yes, but for now, and for a hell of a long while, you belong here.
You are not pathetic. You are one of the most gifted people I've ever met, and one of the most humorous. Its very easy for you to bring a smile to my face, and to everyone elses c:
Along with that, you have a creative mind thats completely unique to you. Nobody will ever be able to quite be as good as yours, or as fucked up. Excuse my french. Either way, its yours. Nobody elses, and nobody else can compare. You're beautiful, intelligent, and worth trying to save. Not pathetic; Dont ever mistake yourself for being that, ever again.
You deserve a life; Your friend deserved a life, and those police need to get their shit together if what you say is really true. He doesnt deserve to have that happen to him, but its not your fault. You brought him there--Im sure you've brought him other places. But, you are not the one you stabbed him; Dont let the guilt of some coward cloak you, because its not worth it to go down this path when you were feeling so much better.
You live in the states, so Im PMing you my number. I expect you to text me or what-fucking-ever you want to do so that I can try to offer some support, so that I can be here for you if/when you feel like nobody else is.
Do not hang yourself.
Do not jump off a cliff.
Read these messages and know that people care for you. Real fucking people that are desperately trying to keep you here because we care. We care.
We care so much and its not worth it for you to throw it all away, because you're not trash.
I love you. Text me. Call me. Whatever.
Just be safe.<3

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Re: Death.

Post by Cassiel on Fri Jan 02, 2015 1:51 pm

I am so, incredibly sorry that this happened to you. But what happened was not your fault. It might not be my place to say, but it wasn't. You had no way of knowing this would happen, neither did they. Please don't blame yourself for this. And no, you're not trash for what happened, believe me you're not. You're a great person, so try not to be so hard on yourself.

I doubt you'll be seeing this, but if you could, you'd see that we all really, genuinely care. You can talk to us about this. Please talk to us about this. Don't hurt yourself, don't make any attempts. Please. We all love you.

I'll send you my number. Talk to me whenever you need to.

I love you. Please be safe.
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Re: Death.

Post by Maverick on Fri Jan 02, 2015 3:31 pm

Wjinry. Like others have said, this was not your fault. You had no idea that this would happen, and neither did your friend. Look, I know it's tough; losing someone close. But listen to me, you have the right to be sad. You do not have the right to think of yourself as pathetic because of this awful incident. Because you're not. You're amazing and perfect and no one better not ever tell you otherwise. You do not have the right to fall into depression and become suicidal because of it. Why? Because so many people in this world love you, and no one will want to see you this way. I'll bet you everything in the world that your friend would not have wanted you to hurt yourself in any way. He would want you to remain strong and keep going through your life the best you can. He would want you to fulfill your dreams and do all the things he couldn't do. With that said, go do the things on his bucket list and make him proud. Make yourself proud. Make the world proud.

Life is precious, Wjinry. It's way too special to throw away just because of one horrible thing. If you ever need to talk, contact me<3

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Re: Death.

Post by Dawn on Fri Jan 02, 2015 4:49 pm

Wjinry, babe, my love.
You helped me so much, you an I hate the world together and we're great at it.
I know what you're going through.. two years ago my best friend was killed on his way to my house.
I understand.
I really do.
I can promise you that it will hurt less as time goes on. You can talk to me and I can relate.
You know I can; you and me are the same in a lot of ways.
I have Kik and Snapchat and email and Facebook.
Life gets better.
It doesn't stop hurting, but it gets easier to handle. Shit happens to everybody before they're ever ready to handle even a fraction of it. This is horrible. Nothing can compare to how you're feeling right now.
I'm not trying to talk you out of anything, I'm just trying to help you see that it's not a necessary thing to do. You and I know how much is sucks when it doesn't work, and hurting people is not on the bright side of it. Your best friend, would he want you dead, or would he want you to build a case and find those assholes? Convince the cops that he's worth more than being tossed aside because he's just a teen.
Bring him some peace before you blame yourself. Fix things, make the world better, make it how he'd have wanted it. Live for the both of you, and live hard as balls man. Continue living and continue finding those dicks, and once you've found them and busted them, you can rest easy. until then, they're still wandering around with his blood on their hands and waiting to do it again.
Don't let that happen.
Help your friend rest easy.
And then you can rest easy.
Every. Single. Person. On this site, loves you, and we all believe in you. We are 100% behind you right now and we are here to support you. I promise.
I love you Wjinry.

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Re: Death.

Post by Wjinry on Fri Jan 02, 2015 10:55 pm

I tried drinking myself to death.... You might as well die doing what you love, right? It's slow, calming...
But then I went on here, passed out, and then an alcohol poisoning later and a very bad hangover I'm writing this message.

I'll....I can give it a shot. Even if I didn't cause him to die, I still miss him. My head hurts and my heart aches and my eyes are too puffy for me to see. If he was anywhere else, he probably would still be alive, and we'd be going to a movie with friends and have slim jim's and marijuana after.

I'll go down to the police station. If they don't help I'll do it myself, but I need some time off. I'm angry and I want to burst out and punch something. Over and over and over and I want to cry. He should never have been there in the first place, and I blame myself for that. Even if he hadn't died he probably would have been arrested, and dumped in a cage. Maybe I'll explain it to you guys one day. But right now, I'm tired and I just want to stop.

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Re: Death.

Post by Cassiel on Fri Jan 02, 2015 11:44 pm

Take as much time as you need, this website isn't all that important compared to real life. Take your time to work through everything, we'll still be here when you get back. <3
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Re: Death.

Post by Verine on Sat Jan 03, 2015 2:24 am

Exactly what Cass said; Take all the time needed.
We're welcome you back eagerly<3

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Re: Death.

Post by Jeamesero on Sat Jan 03, 2015 5:44 am

Bb it's okay, we love you, a lot!
Take as much time as you need. You can always talk to us when you want to, if you want to. But your personal life right now is more important than this site.
But we will stand by you.

And like Cass and Veri said; we will be here when you get back, we will always be here. <3

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Re: Death.

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