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Only so much...

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Only so much...

Post by Roki on Mon Jan 05, 2015 8:55 pm

So I don't know how often I will be posting in main den and group home. I have been very confused and depressed lately. Some of you might not agree with what I am about to say but I have started wanting to cut myself again. I mean it might sound gross but I like the feeling of it. It takes all the pain and hurting in my life away for a few minutes. 
I have been having a ton of mental issues and a few physical issues. There's only so much one person can eventually take ya know? Anyway...I just might not be very active. I really don't wanna go onto the chatbox either so...eh...
I will still rp in the main den and defanetly group home but I don't know how often...I just need some time...
Just...ugh...I have so much sh*t going on with me and I dunno what to do anymore.
You guys can post here whatever you want in response because I am getting to the point where I just don't care about anything anymore...
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Re: Only so much...

Post by Cassiel on Mon Jan 05, 2015 8:57 pm

Take all the time you need, Roki. Don't feel rushed about anything.

Remember, we care about you and we love you. I understand you don't want to come onto the chatbox, and that's totally okay, but if you ever need anyone to talk to or to vent to, we're always here.

You'll get through this. I promise. <3
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Re: Only so much...

Post by Guest on Mon Jan 05, 2015 9:01 pm

Roki love~
You have my Kik, you can talk to me whenever you want or need, and I'll answer as soon as I can.
I know that self harm takes the pain away for a few minutes, but it's a dangerous thing to do and it has long term effects. If I may make a suggestion; Put on the most annoyingly upbeat songs you can find, and dance. Like close the door and dance until you feel stupid. Even if you don't want to. Self harm is a way of torturing yourself; if you don't want to dance, it's pretty much torturing yourself too. Dance until you're exhausted and then dance more. then you can lay down and cry or sleep or be completely numb.
If you ever feel like you need to cut and you have no other option, you Kik me until I answer. Spam me. I mean it. Snapchat me and Kik me until I wake up and answer you.
I adore you, babe, you know I do; and your lovely little accent<3
You be safe for me okay?

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Re: Only so much...

Post by Roki on Mon Jan 05, 2015 10:17 pm

Please don't take this the wrong way but I really don't want to tel to anyone right now. I am tired of being picked on and made fun of stuff that I am doing and can't stop. Like it sucks. My life sucks and I am so done with people constently claiming they love me and yet they mentality hurt me constently. I just wanna be left alone...I want to shut myself away and never come out again...this world sucks...and it hurts so bad right now...
Btw...feather who r u?
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Re: Only so much...

Post by Guest on Mon Jan 05, 2015 10:22 pm

I'm Dawn babe~
I really do love you. I don't want to hurt you at all <3
If you want to be left alone, I'll respect that, but I'm here if you need to talk.

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Re: Only so much...

Post by Kanaya on Mon Jan 05, 2015 11:17 pm

Pretty girl, I'm so sorry.
I know how you feel, and I want you to remember what I told you that one night. Okay? Remember? We talked almost for an hour because I didn't want you to feel alone and I wanted to hear you laugh and I wanted to make sure that you were okay and when we hung up, I had a good feeling that you really were okay now.

I love you, sweets. Take all the time you need, okay, because at the end of the day, we'll all still be here for you. You'll be okay, Roki. Stay face, my love, and I looooooove you.

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Re: Only so much...

Post by BM100 on Tue Jan 06, 2015 4:27 am

Bb, it's JayJay.
When I say that I love you, I don't lie; I really love you and I cry every time the ones I care about get hurt or feel bad.
Take the time you need, we all love you, really.
If you were in danger I would give my life for you, for all of the people on this site, and I never lie; I can't lie.

I will leave you alone then I guess. But if you need me you can find me on kik, like always.
I love you, 'kay? Never forget that.

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Re: Only so much...

Post by Verine on Tue Jan 06, 2015 8:36 am

Roki love, exactly like what everyone else said; We're here for you, and you take all the time you need. Dont feel rushed to post anywhere, as its not nearly as important as starting to feel happy again is. Even slightly happy.
We all love you and we care and cutting yourself isnt gross--I've done it too, and Im sure many others have as well--But its not the answer. There are healthier ways to relieve the pain, okay?
Just remember you have an entire site right here for you, waiting to help and tell you that we love you<3
Because we love you. <3

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Re: Only so much...

Post by Roki on Tue Jan 06, 2015 6:58 pm

But if I don't cut myself then I might cut someone else. It's fine I have done it before. I don't want to hurt someone else I just want to be left alone. Okay? Ugh it gets worse and worse with each passing day! God I am really starting to think maybe I should just end it all. I know I keep going back and forth between happy and sad but I can't help it. This world fcking hurts and I really don't want to be here. I never asked to be here and I never asked for all my problems...and I don't know why people can't understand it...whatever...I might post tonight in the main den...or not...just I need a fcking outlet and cutting my arms doesn't seem to do it for very long. I need to find something else...
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Re: Only so much...

Post by Cassiel on Tue Jan 06, 2015 7:06 pm

Nooo no no no. Don't end anything. Finding an outlet is good, it's definitely good, but suicide is not the answer. It never is, it never will be. I know, I know. A lot of people say that, a lot of people say "yeah, just pull through, it gets better!" and they're just hella annoying, and I know I'm gonna sound just like them, but trust me when I say it really does get better. I've been there. I know what it feels like. And I know, believe me I know it's the hardest thing in the universe, but you can get through this.

As for the outlet thing, there are plenty of outlets, and safe alternatives to self-harm.

http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t9418-alternatives-self-harm/ Here is a longass list of generally safe alternatives. Outlets for restlessness/aggression, for when you're feeling lonely, distractions, etc. Trying one of those could be a big help.
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Re: Only so much...

Post by Caro on Tue Jan 06, 2015 9:36 pm

No matter how tired you might be of hearing/reading this: Suicide is not the answer.
I have family members, and have had kids from school commit suicide for many different things.
It's not the answer, and not the outlet your looking for. Life can be hard, unfair, and crappy.
I however, can promise you one thing about it.
Beneath all the crap, and darkness, there is a light, there is a hope, and there is love.
There is always someone, though it may not be obvious, who is reaching out for you and loves you. Reading everything everyone wrote, Roki, I can tell you right now you have many people who care about you, and love you.
To take your own life, that would devastate everyone close to you. You can get through whatever you're going through, because with you fighting it now, you are proving you are strong.
So be strong, but don't be afraid to talk to people, and lean on shoulders. It's only human nature to feel depressed or lonely, and it's nothing to feel ashamed of. Let these people reach out to you, because you are loved by everyone here <3 So take all the time you need, and enjoy every moment of it to your fullest. Because your life is beautiful, you are a beautiful person.
You are a beautiful person having to face crap of this world.
Yet, this world needs you.
It needs something beautiful.
Something lovely.
My dear that is what you are.
Stay strong, I know you can pull yourself out of it.
We all love you Roki, and I love you <3

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Re: Only so much...

Post by Roki on Sat Jan 10, 2015 9:52 am

I am sorry I haven't really been on the chatbox to talk with most of you...just my life sucks right now royally and I am having a lot of trouble dealing with it...I keep getting in trouble for stupid things at my work and at my home but I don't really want to go into details...I am really trying hard to deal with things because I know life sucks but every time I get up someone smacks me back down and then I have to start at square one again...
Just...god...I really don't care anymore and really don't want to be here...I never asked to be in this world with my problems and I can't stop being myself...however being myself is the problem...since no one was online I decided to write in here again...I will try to update my posts a little later but I have something's I need to do first...
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Re: Only so much...

Post by Dido on Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:38 pm

Roki, stops this talk. Right now. I know what's going on, you told me, and I want you to listen to me. Just shush, and listen to me, babe. You're okay. You'll be okay. Wanna know why? Because you've made it this far, Roki. From the day you were born, to the mountains you've climbed and continue to climb, to here;now. You've made it this far. And you have us to carry you when you flip and fall. Don't give up because then it'd be all for nothing.

Don't give up. Because one day, the dark clouds will go away and take the rain with it, and you'll be left in a beautiful field with everyone you love. But if you give up now, you'll never see that day where everything is simply okay. I love you. You're smart, kind, pretty, sexy, and everything that goes along the lines of amazing. I love you. We love you. Stop hurting yourself. Stop talking about giving up.We need you in this world because without you in it, life just wouldn't be the same. Stay strong, my love. <3
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Re: Only so much...

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