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To everybody I've ever talked to and cares: please read this.

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To everybody I've ever talked to and cares: please read this.

Post by Guest on Sun Jan 25, 2015 2:43 am

They thought that my tumour was benign. They were wrong. Well, they might have been wrong. A piece might have broken off and lodged itself elsewhere, because I took a pretty hard fall off my horse onto a jump standard (look it up it holds the poles that the land whale jumps babes) I knocked it down with my stomach. I had a little bit of internal bleeding and a pretty damaged shoulder. It's fixed now.

Anyway. They still think it's benign, because it hasn't grown, and they haven't found much growth where the other piece of it went. Which was my lung. My left lung, just behind my heart. I have lung cancer. They're going to operate the living shit out of my lung in a couple of weeks. Thankfully, shaw open wifi is all over the hospital I'm going to, my mom's best friend (also my aunt type thing) works there, as well as my best friend's mom.

I will never be alone, because I'll have people with me during visiting hours, and I'll be here as soon as those are over.
I'm going to the hospital in two days, and becoming and in-patient.
This is not the worst news I've ever heard. Aj and my grandfather (Grandy) and the fact that my sister might elope instead of getting married (cry for that. I was gonna be her photographer) were all much worse than this. I'm being given a second chance; not many people get that. I'm trying to look up about it, even though I can't really sleep because if I lay on my side I cough but if I lay any other way I can't sleep so screw sleeping SLEEP IS FOR THE WEEK AMIRITE.

My teachers have given me their emails and skypes, my english teacher even gave me her phone number in case I ever need anything, and her daughter who is a couple years older than me is in the hospital too. She had pneumonia and ruptured a lung, but she's all better and she's leaving soon. Her name is Melanie and she's very pretty.

Anyways. My activity might be low. I'll try my best to keep it up, I'm still taking the provincial exam and final in english, even though my teacher said I could be excused; I want to live like a normal person even if I might die.
I'm trying to be optimistic because "depression isn't a side affect of cancer; depression is a side affect of dying." I refuse to die before I've lived enough for Aj and seen my sister married and my brothers graduated.

*Sorry Satan, you'll have to chill on your own for a bit.

I can't just abandon you guys with Feather now, can I? Lol. nope. you'd corrupt her lil mind. Silly Verine. And Cass. And Kassiel YOU THINK FEATHER CAN HANDLE AN AFFAIR ON HER OWN? SHE NEEDS ME.

I love you all. I'm sorry to burden you all; I thought I should let you know. I care about, and love, all of you.
Personal messages:

how do i do the spoiler thingy like the promotions. gimme a minute *goes to promotion posts*

OKAY. Here go your personal messages.

Maverick:
Mave. You're incredible for so many things: starting this pack, running it, keeping it active for so long, accepting everybody for who they are, the list goes on. You're amazing. You're so sweet and welcoming and honest. None of us would ever have met each other without you. Thank you, so much, Maverick.

Mave I decided this isn't long enough for everything that you've done. You are a great writer and artist and you're always so friendly, even when you're only here for a minute. You're so reasonable and fair and it's just great. Part of the reason I joined this pack is because it's gorgeously organized and very very welcoming. Some packs are just ugh and all serious and rules and awful. This one is like a party all day every day. Thanks to you Mave <3 I give you my thanks. Your'e a babe.


BM100/Jeames/Navin:
I don't know what to call you; I want to say Shun, or your real name, or BM100, or Jeames. I'll call you Jeames. Jeames. I know you're a very emotional girl. But you're also beautiful and talented and compassionate and intelligent and creative and trustworthy and loyal. You've always believed in me, and we had a Harry Potter Marathon together. That was amazing. To think that even though we live on opposite sides of the globe, yet we laughed and cried at the same things at the same times. Baby girl you do what you think is right; and you never, ever, flinch from your decisions. You're a strong and brave young woman and you take that fact with you wherever you go. No excuses. And no crying. I don't want you to cry.


Kanaya/Dido:
Twin~ My twin. You've been absent from my life for so long, and I'm always too scared to call because my parents will get angry. I'm sorry we've been so distant from each other lately. I hope your life is looking up, babe. If you ever get ahold of your damn phone; kik me or snapchat me, right away. You have them both. You're incredible, and I'm so proud of everything you've accomplished. Don't let people tell you otherwise. You've worked through parts of yourself that you hated; I love them so much, but I still love you just the same with them gone. Do me a favour, please. Never change for anybody, not even yourself, if you think it might push you too far. If you ever feel sad, you kik Roki and she'll kik me and then you kik me and I'll kik you and we'll have our pillow clomping(?) love triangle back. You have given me so many great laughs and made me feel so safe and loved. You still have that PM I sent you ages ago? You read that when ever you feel sad; I hope it makes you feel safe and loved, just like you are.


Kahlua:
Lua, thank you so much for teaching me how to do those photo manips. I really appreciate that, it's so fun. I really hope you use your crazy neon wolf some day; she seemed like she'd be really really fun to play. Thank you for being so welcoming to me. I always smile when you come on the chat box with your familiar "Yo." and I'm like, "ohp, there's Lua." Sorry for all time times I've spammed the chat box with you there, and forced you to clear it. My bad! *shrivels into clam shell* I really enjoy talking to you, and when you talk about how cute the dogs that you care for are it brings a smile to my face.


Izzi:
You gorgeous ball of morning dew. You're the sweetest baby I've ever met. You always go through such hard things and I just want to hold you and watch Hannibal with you. By the way, Hannibal is in The Three Muskateers movie with Logan Lerman. I recognized him and I was like THAT'S HANNIBAL. IZZI NEEDS TO KNOW. Now you know, I hope you watch it, it's a cute movie. I'm sorry I'm on EFA on VS, but I just can't handle that with exams and this pack, which I swore I'd never leave. I won't leave VS as long as I can help it, I promise. You are such a beautiful person and shut the frick up about not being gorgeous because you're lying to everybody. Your eyebrows are on POINT. I love them. They're perfect. I love you. Your eyes and your hair and your clothes and your smiles. You're an incredible writer; never stop writing. I know you're stressed lately, in fact, I'm talking to you on the chat box right now. I'm going to let you know a secret: when you're stressed, the best thing on the planet to do, is clear out a part of your day, and dance and break shit that you don't like. If you hate somebody and you were their friend and you have something of theirs, light that shit on fire. And laugh. do it. I love you.


Gravity:
Gravy, you're so mature for your age, like holy shit. You're so perfect babe and I don't want the world to corrupt you. Stay completely true to yourself and don't change to please anybody. Do what makes you happy and always remember that every single person here loves you and we are your family no matter what. This is the place you can run to. I will personally guarantee that everybody on this site will stand by you just like they've stood by me. you and I have a connection and I feel like I've known you for ages, even though I haven't. You're such a sweetie. Stay golden, pony boy. (You're not too young for that reference, are you? Read The Outsiders, you'll get it)


Kain:
Kain. Oh my goodness, Kain. We have certainly had our differences, haven't we. I'm glad we're over them now. I'm glad we've pushed past that and we're friends. Thank you for randomly messaging me and reminding me that you wish me the best. Remember that I always wish you the best in return. You're an incredibly forgiving, generous, and kind hearted person and I appreciate that you aways tell me the truth. You're so honest, even to a fault, and it's great because it shows me what I need to work on. I enjoy our conversations and how much we trust each other, even if I don't show it; I trust you a lot. You're an amazing man, Kain, and your compliments and belief in me really keeps me going. Thank you for that.


Verine:
Verine, right now, you pipe the frick down. Cool your jets about loving me and saying how strong I am. It's my turn first. It's my turn to tell you how brave and valiant you are for facing this world head on and smacking it in the ass, and it's my turn to tell you how much I smile when I see you getting worked up over Oscar and his butt touches. You and I have to have an orgy with the whole pack some time. Don't u friggin forget. Now, I know you think I'm saying this stuff because I'm going to die, but the truth is, it's a teenie weenie lil bitch tumour chunk just clinging to my lung trying to worm it's way in to my life; it won't be able to do that because I'm badass. I got this shit in the bag. I'm gonna have a mister stab scar afterwards, it'll be awesome. They're doing the minimally invasive surgery.. it'll only look like somebody shanked me with a butter knife...... a bikini will cover it.. u can only see it when we have an orgy k? I love you Veri.


Roki:
Roki, I'm going down the member list. I didn't forget about you. I don't want you to think that. Nobody has ever, ever forgotten you. Nobody ever will. You're so important and incredible and your accent is the absolute cutest thing I've ever heard in my life. Especially when you argue with me about it. You have it. Stop denying it. It's adorable. When you're scared and sad and lonely, I want you to kik me. If I'm awake, I'll answer. Sometimes I might not have my phone, or I might be talking to a doctor; I'll answer as soon as I get it and you have to hold on until I can. I want you to rely on me more than you do. I want you to talk to me instead of doing what you do. I believe in you, KK believes in you, Kain, Veri, Cass, they all believe in you. You're incredible and adorable and amazing. You don't change, you be accept yourself and be safe. I love you. Everybody here loves you. Everybody here will always love you.


Caro:
Caro my little healer amigo! I know we haven't really talked much, or deeply, often. I enjoy our little talks, though, my dear. I enjoy your writing very much. It's incredibly worded and in depth. It takes talent, and I'm glad I've had the opportunity to meet somebody like you. Carry on carrying on, my love. I much prefer the cold bluntness of Caro over Winter. Happy people bother me, especially when my character is happy; ugh. You feel me? I love reading both characters though. I love hanging out with you on the chat box. It's so fun. We have such good times. We will continue those times I promise.


Cass:
Cass. You were the very first person I talked to on any RP site. You were Katria. How I hated you and you hated me, and now we've come to love each other so strongly. I'll never understand it; but I won't question it, because it makes me happy. You're an incredible writer, and an incredible alpha, and an incredible friend. When I go to disneyland you have to come and hang out with me. We will go on every single ride you want, and fast passes are on me. Grizzly River Run, Tower of Terror, and a lot of roller coasters. JUST NOT CALIFORNIA SCREAMIN. NOPE. NOT TODAY. NOT TOMORROW. NOT EVER. Now that we have that sorted. Thank you so much for welcoming me so strongly into the pack. I'm sure you were one of the first to talk to me here, I know you were the first to notice me in the Silver Snows RP, and the first to talk to me on the chat box. We were hormonal cold lil bitches to each other. Very dramatic then, and equally dramatic now; even though it's awesome drama now. I love you Cass.


Okay. Before you all freak out, those are absolutely not good bye letters. Those are just some things I want you all to know about yourselves and I hope they make you happy a little bit. I guess that's what everybody wants. To make others feel something with their words. Well, I love you all. You're all incredible. I mean every word in those. You're all incredible people.

I think we all need a more positive outlook on life. Remember, being sad, it's a chemical imbalance in our brain, it's literally all in your head. You just say frick science and you seratonin yourself. Go outside in the sun, and go outside in the rain. Just go outside. Go outside and you rock that weather. If it's raining, don't take an umbrella or a hood or anything. Soak yourself in natural purity. Love that shniz. I dare you.

Thank you all for reading this.. I really appreciate all of you. If I missed anybody in those messages, I want you to PM me and I'll send you one or edit it in here. Do it. Go out of your way and tell me to get my shit together and handle the situation likE A BOSS.
I love you all. I really, really do. You're my family, and my best friends, and I love you all. Equally.


Last edited by Feather on Wed Jan 28, 2015 1:25 am; edited 2 times in total

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Re: To everybody I've ever talked to and cares: please read this.

Post by BM100 on Sun Jan 25, 2015 3:56 am

When I read your personal message to me I cried, but no tears of sadness. C':

You've got some shit going girl, but I'm so glad you're thinking the positive way. You have the will to survive, to live, and you show it. It's great you're being given a second chance, and you should take it with both hands!
You're so much more strong and brave than I am: you won't give up and make the best out of things. I really admire you, you know that? <3
I'm sure you will get through this, no, I'm POSITIVE you will. And we will all be here for you with every step you take. <3

Now go to that hospital and grab a wheelchair, go sit in it and go roll through the hallways in it for me, okay? It's fun. Go completely wild an live life to the fullest. >D <3
I love you girl, hnnnng~ <3

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BM100

Posts : 498
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Re: To everybody I've ever talked to and cares: please read this.

Post by Guest on Sun Jan 25, 2015 4:43 am

You've got one heck of a story, girl.
I'm crying so hardcore right now, yet it's a strange emotion. Somewhere inbetween sadness, happiness, and inspiration. This stepped me back from the edge a little bit. YOU are an inspiration. So many stupid things have happened to you, non of which anybody deserves, but you just keep on trudging through all of it. You will get through this no matter what happens. I'm pretty sure you just said the nicest words anybody has ever said to me. So much so that I felt that nothing I could say would ever amount to what you've done for me in simply still fighting. Because of this I almost didn't respond, but I felt that it would be unjust to let my appreciation simply fade into darkness. It's for that I salute you, never stop fighting. As for the book, I'm going to read the brains out of it. You have my snapchat, and I think you have my kik if you ever need to talk to me.

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Re: To everybody I've ever talked to and cares: please read this.

Post by Verine on Sun Jan 25, 2015 12:54 pm

My beautiful babe.<3

I feel like this is almost too personal, like I have to PM you or something, but I wont. c':

And I'll do what you said--You know me so well. That you would remember to tell me to calm down is priceless love. But you know I need to get all gushy anyways.<3
You are Badass extreme, and everyone knows it. We offered to beat up so many people all the time for others, and if I had to take someone out with anybody, it'd be with you. We went through the same Carter shit; Don't let me make bad choices anymore babe cx

You need to know that you really helped me. Like, really helped me--Depression isn't easy, and if it's all in my head, then Im going to go out into the sun. Into the rain. Im going to go up to Canada and twerk on your front lawn till you notice that Im there, and then we can make those beautiful potatoes you made. Omfg. Those looked so good.
And we'd do monster photo shoot sessions, and you'd be the star because you're beautiful and always have been; Every picture is flawless.




This will forever be one of my favorite pictures of you. I would ask if I could show it, but I know you're fine with it; You've always been one of the most confident people on this site. Look at you, being all badass and beautiful at once. That sexy-ass knife in your hand. Oh, and speaking of ass, CHECK YOURS OUT. DAMN GIRL. <3
Channel that confidence you had while taking these pictures, and do what Jea said. Go and get that wheelchair and do crazy-ass stunts that will upset all the doctors. And if you find that hot guy in the hospital again, go and touch his chest. He'll remember you from last time, for sure. cx

We all love you Sarah, beautiful, beautiful Sarah. Intelligent, curious, questioning, uplifting, inspiring, flawless, PERFECT Sarah.
I cant wait to talk to you again; Like we used to when we had each others numbers. Like when you mailed me that letter<3
If I had a glass of wine right now, Sarah, I'd be raising it to you.

I love you. Stay strong babygirl, but I already know that you will.<3

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THIS IS WHAT I SEE WHEN I CAMP. SO PRETTY. AGH.<3
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Verine
Admin

Posts : 763
Join date : 2014-06-14
Age : 18
Location : Spearheading the Rebellion with my soulmate ;3

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Gender: Femme.
Rank: Warrior o3o

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Re: To everybody I've ever talked to and cares: please read this.

Post by Maverick on Sun Jan 25, 2015 1:24 pm

Feather, what you said means the world to me, and I hope you know that. Honestly, it wasn't me that's been keeping this site active for this long. It's been all of us. I've never run a pack with members like all of you fabulous people logging in everyday just to brighten the hearts of us all. You all are so perfect and everyday I come on here I regret retiring and leaving you all. Yes, Cass, Veri, and Lua have been great staff members, but really, it's you -- the members -- that have been keeping this pack alive. So do not thank me, thank yourself and every other wonderful member that's kind, dedicated, and amazing.

You're too special to be going through all this right now; you don't deserve this. You deserve better. You deserve a life full of joy and happiness... I'm not just saying that; you really do.

If I could, I would visit you everyday in the hospital, and that's because I care. I care about you and everyone else. I hope you know that.

I literally have no idea what else to say, but I will say one more thing: I love you, and you stay strong. You mean something to all of us. Don't you ever forget that.

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"Believe that life is worth living and your belief
will help create the fact." -William James
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Maverick
Head Admin

Posts : 1026
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Location : Long gone... contactable on FeralHeart and my DeviantART account (@Kikiorylandia)

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Name: Maverick
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Rank: Alpha Male

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Re: To everybody I've ever talked to and cares: please read this.

Post by Cassiel on Sun Jan 25, 2015 9:01 pm

GOD I'm teary eyed now. I fckin love you, okay? Yeah, sure, we wanted to stab each other when we first met but now I just. I WILL BUY THE PLANE TICKETS MYSELF SO YOU CAN GET TF DOWN HERE AND WE CAN RIDE ALL THE RIDES AT DISNEYLAND. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. TWICE. TOGETHER.

You are so much more to me than just a random person on a small lil website that us nerds go on to roleplay. So much more. You're an amazing friend and I've loved all the times we've had together. There have been bad times, awful times, but we've also had some pretty damn great ones too. And we're gonna keep having 'em. We're gonna get loads more inside jokes, we're gonna try to watch another Disney movie together (remember Mulan c':?) and hope that the lag doesn't ruin the whole thing.

AND REMEMBER: YOU'LL KICK CANCER'S ASS. You're so incredibly strong, I know that you'll get through it. So. PULVERIZE CANCER. U HERE ME? FCKIN DESTROY THAT SHIT AND DANCE ON THE ASHES.

I BELIEVE IN YOU.
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Cassiel
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Join date : 2014-05-04
Location : Kickstarting the rebellion against black licorice ._.

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Re: To everybody I've ever talked to and cares: please read this.

Post by Roki on Mon Jan 26, 2015 2:34 pm

Omg I am crying so hard right now...ugh...I am really at a loss for words...like I don't know what to say... ;;-;;

I guess for starts I am sorry for all the shix you put up with with me. I am a very hard person to be around and make friends with. Never had a friend till I joined your RP Site BB. I really shut the world out and didn't want any part. All my life I have be pushed aside even by my own parents and...just...omg i fcking love you bb...I love everyone on this site so much! ;-; I really believe you will pull off this and so much more. You are a amazing person and I would fly across the world for you.

If I get upset I will KIK you. I promise. I will wait till you can answer and I will only KIK when I have to so that you don't have to be bothered by me too much... XD

Oh and one last thing...for the millionth time...I don't have a accent and it isn't cute!

Hope to talk to u soon bb~ c':
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Roki

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Location : Snuggling with bb's!

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Re: To everybody I've ever talked to and cares: please read this.

Post by Guest on Mon Jan 26, 2015 9:48 pm

I love all of you. I changed yours Mave; I decided it wasn't long enough to do you justice. I also changed Kain's because it was more about how needed he is rather than how great he is.

I'm so glad to have you all~
Jeames I absolutely adore you.
Gravy you're the bomb dot com all day every day.
Verine damn my ass looks good in that picture.
Mave you're my idol and I want to be you.
Cass we aren't going on California screaming because it will do more damage than surgery.
ROKI. You kik me as much as you fcking want and I will answer asap every time I will not be bothered by you. I love you.

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Re: To everybody I've ever talked to and cares: please read this.

Post by Kanaya on Tue Jan 27, 2015 2:14 pm

I'm crying.
I love you so much, Sarah. I really do. You mean so much to me and I want you to call me every day because I want you to be able to laugh and feel safe and loved. Every single day.

Stay strong, and know that I'm here for you, baby. Ily. So much.

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