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I need to rant about this

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I need to rant about this

Post by Dawn on Sun Jul 20, 2014 12:52 pm

Okay um I'm about to go real deep on y'all so you don't have to reply to this or anything, in fact you don't even have to read it. I just gotta get it off my chest.

Uhh okay so I've had depression for about seven years and I've had a lot of trouble with cutting and burning and such for most of those years. I've been clean for two months (yay!) but it's getting really hard to keep those urges under control (boo) and I can't tell who you all know as Hammy-Boo because he thinks that I'm made of porcelain. Not even. He think's I'm made of sugar glass. If I ever tell him anything like this he makes me feel like I can't handle anything on my own and I actually can handle a lot more than he thinks. ANYWAYS. It's not that my depression is getting worse, in fact, it's gotten a lot better (yay!) but I've kind of lost the will to get out of bed in the past few weeks and it feels like everything is crumbling down around me. I've also gained a bit of weight and I'm really not okay with that.
I haven't had a horrible past but it's really not the best, which I guess led up to all of my issues. I'm just having a really hard time being stuck in this dark cloud for so long. It's gotten old. I find it hard to eat and when I do eat it's only fruit or drinks. I honestly don't want to get back into my old habits of ED and self-harm and I'm not sure what to do to stop it. All I can think about lately is hurting myself and losing weight. I've started seeing myself as 'lower' than everybody else and just straight up not worth it. I've started giving up on myself and I'm not sure how long until everybody else does the same. I don't really feel like I belong in this world anymore, like I keep reaching out to people and nobody else reaches back for me. I just feel so out of place here and I'm not sure how much longer I want to feel this way. I don't think I really want to be on this planet anymore but I don't know how to leave it without hurting everybody.

So basically to sum up my rant: it's really confusing being alive and not feeling like it or wanting to be at the same time.

Sorry it's probably super confusing... yeah

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Re: I need to rant about this

Post by Jeamesero on Sun Jul 20, 2014 1:01 pm

Awww bb! You're not 'lower' than anyone, you are just as important and special as anyone else and we all love you! <333
I hope you feel better soon, because I kinda get what you mean (have had the same feeling a lot lately). We love you bb. <3333

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Re: I need to rant about this

Post by Shadow on Sun Jul 20, 2014 1:06 pm

Deya bb, i honestly had the same problem while i had my depressions. Even if i didn´t wanted to, my thoughts always pushed me down and i felt like i didn´t belong to this world, just an useless girl etc. Luckily it was just a phase (like it was always) Though, don´t forget, you are wonderful the way you are. We love you a lot and i really hope you´ll feel better soon <33
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Re: I need to rant about this

Post by Guest on Sun Jul 20, 2014 3:20 pm

Oh Deya... My friend, you are just as special as everyone else around you. You are beautiful and sweet and funny and you deserve to be on this world. I dont know about everyone else, but I'm sure as heck not giving up on you. I'm praying for you friend

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Re: I need to rant about this

Post by Shun on Sun Jul 20, 2014 6:41 pm

Thank you all bbs <3<3 I love you so much

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Re: I need to rant about this

Post by Verine on Sun Jul 20, 2014 9:34 pm

HEY YOU THERE. DID I TELL YOU. THAT I LOVE YOU.
I. Love. You.
Depression is a straight up horrible thing to deal with, and yeah, I know. And please, don't allow those kind of thoughts to resonate so much within yourself, because youre much more special than the average person on this planet, and no, you are not weak. Hammy-Boo needs to realize just how much of a strong, confident, and beautiful young women you are, and so do you. You. Are. Gorgeous.
And darling, you can come to me with any problems you'll ever have, okay? Anything that you feel like you need to talk about, Im here for you. I hope you feel better soon darling, because sadness does not suit you<3
Stay beautiful my bb<3
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Re: I need to rant about this

Post by Cassiel on Mon Jul 21, 2014 1:23 am

I JUST CHECKED IN AND THIS IS LATE BUT BB PLEASE FEEL BETTER

DEPRESSION SUCKS ASS, I KNOW, BUT I BELIEVE IN YOU. You can get through it. You're a strong person, and I know that sometimes depression can make things seem impossible to get through, but remember that were always here for you. <3
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Re: I need to rant about this

Post by Shun on Tue Jul 22, 2014 12:45 am

omg Verine and Cass thank you bbs <3 I'm not entirely sure how to take the phrase "sucks ass" but I'll think of it as a negative comment lol

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Re: I need to rant about this

Post by Dawn on Tue Jul 29, 2014 8:19 pm

Woo more ranting. Idk what's going on in my life right now but everything's gotten really hard to do lately and I honestly feel like this is the only place that really wleomes me at all. Even my family has started to forget that I'm a person and I have feelings and they get hurt when they comment on my weight. I've reached a point where I personally believe that my parents and brothers truly wish I didn't exist. I've stopped being included in family event and I wasn't even allowed downstairs for family dinner last night. I've basically started to just sleep as much as I can so that I don't have to deal with this crap that they give giving me. It seems that even when my family sees me doing something they hand the credit for it to my older brother. They witness me do his chores for him as well as mine, and they give him credit for mine too. I've never gotten along with my family, it's just how I am. We disagree on everything. They've never gone to the extent of which I'm the one that cooks dinner and they don't let me eat it before though. I've reached a point where people can't handle me most nights and nothing I try seems to help them realize that I'm really upset and I have pretty much come to the conclusion that if I just left, they wouldn't notice or they'd have a party. I don't even know why I'm ranting about this. I've pretty much tried everything to make them like me and it hasn't worked, but they won't let me leave. I kinda come here because y'all are so nice to me all the time and I really appreciate it and how welcome you make me feel. (lol crying while I type all of this)

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Re: I need to rant about this

Post by Guest on Wed Jul 30, 2014 1:32 am

*hugs Deya*

Deya, you are a real person, and real people go through these things. It is part of life, and the thing is, it's not always sunshine and unicorns. Just as you are doing now, you will go through hard times, and you will feel like crap and nobody cares for you. But, the amazing thing is that there will always be light on the other side. Life throws these challenges at you so you can learn from them and become stronger. And there will never be a time when nobody cares about you. There will always be people that you can trust and talk to and rant to and cry to, and they will help. They will listen, and they will be there for you. We will always be here for you Deya. Never think that no one cares about you, because there will always be at least one person who does, and they will help you to that light at the finish line. You just gotta push through, bb. Don't give up. You will be stronger from this, and you will always have someone to come to.

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Re: I need to rant about this

Post by BM100 on Wed Jul 30, 2014 3:39 am

I agree with Kiran bb. You're ever alone. You have so many people who care about you, for example us. <3
I wish I could say more to try and cheer you up, but my brains have kind of left me lately, I'm sorry...

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Re: I need to rant about this

Post by Verine on Mon Aug 04, 2014 2:20 pm

HNNG.
I. Love. You.
You should not be treated like this, not at all ;-;
I do agree with Kiran, but like.
I do want you to be happy. Remember how strong you are. You've been through a storm before, and just because the wind has picked up, and the rain falls harder, doesn't mean you wont make it through again.
You. Are. Strong.
Amazingly strong.
But as strong as you are, sometimes you need to break too, and when you do, I will be here for you. Okay darling?
Much love<3333333333

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Re: I need to rant about this

Post by Dawn on Mon Aug 04, 2014 8:00 pm

I JUST LOVE YOU ALL <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

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